How to Wow: Proven Strategies for Selling Your [Brilliant] Self in Any Situation - Couverture souple

CHAPTER ONE

Don’t Leave Home Without Them:
The Nonnegotiable General Principles
I began presenting myself early and, if I remember correctly, somewhat reluctantly.

When my siblings and I were in the age ranges of three to six, my father would line us up in the living room before a cocktail party and make us practice shaking hands with him before the guests arrived. (The Von Trapp family had nothing on us.) I still remember him looming over me, pumping my hand up and down while saying, “Look me in the eye, look me in the eye, look me in the eye . . .”

While I may not have enjoyed those impromptu personal presentation sessions, their effect was beneficial. To this day, I have a super handshake, and definitely look people in the eye when I greet them.

As with looking someone in the eye, there are some elements to presenting yourself that are nonnegotiable. Regardless of the situation, these fundamentals are necessary in order to make a strong and lasting impression. Whether you are presenting to one or one hundred—at a lunch, on the phone, with a speech or PowerPoint presentation—they will always be beneficial. These nonnegotiable principles are presented here. If you read or do nothing else in this book, incorporating these foundational elements into your daily communication and interaction will guarantee instantaneous, positive results in how people respond to you.

Dearly Beloved Data Lovers

The following statistic, from a study done by Albert Mehrabian, Professor Emeritus of psychology at UCLA, is among the first things I tell every client. Known as the “7%—38%—55% Rule” it states that there are three elements to any face-to-face communication: words, tone of voice, and body language, and we are influenced by these things as follows:

·7 percent of our influence comes from the words we say.

·38 percent from our tonal quality while saying it.

·55 percent by what our body is doing while we’re saying it.

What does this mean? So often we think presentation and communication are about the words we say. In fact, it’s often far more about how we say them, and what our body is doing while we are saying them.

For example, we’ve all been introduced to the person who says, “Nice to meet you” with a fishy hand, a nominal smile, and an over-our-shoulder-to-see-if-someone-more-interesting/important/ attractive-is-coming-in-the-room gaze. Contrast that with meeting someone who’s genuinely delighted to meet you.

Same words, very different message.

My goal in telling you this is to help you begin to consider the global impact of your message—to understand the importance of managing every aspect of your presentation style.

·Knowing that listeners often remember just 7 percent of the words you say will remind you to choose language that’s precise, colorful, and concise.

·Knowing that 38 percent of your impact comes from your tonal quality will reinforce the importance of having your tone match your message: be authoritative, commanding, persuasive, entertaining, etc, depending on your objective.

·Knowing that 55 percent of your impact comes from what your body is doing while you are speaking will encourage you to focus on how you can best express commitment to, and enthusiasm for, what you are saying through your facial expressions, posture, and gestures.

Breaking down your message in this way makes it much easier to figure out what you need to do to capture your listener’s attention. You can ask yourself:

·Is my language flabby?

·Do I sound happy when I’m giving good news, and genuinely sorry when I’m apologizing?

·If I were on television—and the sound was off—would someone walking by the TV know from my body language that I was enthusiastic about, or committed to, what I was saying?

As with anything, the first step to creating effective change is awareness. Now that you have a greater understanding of the factors in play when you present yourself, you can begin to pick and choose, strengthen or minimize, bump up or play down each element to achieve the results you desire.

Tell Me a Story

As children, we all felt the power of storytelling, its ability to transport us to another place and time. As adults, we feel it when we’re in the grip of a masterful book or movie. Using stories when speaking has the same effect on your listeners, and the added bonus of helping you retain and commit to the message you want to deliver.

Two of the most frequent questions I get from new clients are “How can I get rid of filler words like ‘um’ and ‘uh’?” and “What should I do with my hands?” Embedding their answers in stories solves both these problems. Think about it, when was the last time you were wrapped up in telling your best friend or coworker your latest grievance against your spouse or your boss and simultaneously using filler words or worrying about what your hands were doing? It’s simply not possible.

An important point to remember in this is that the story doesn’t have to be long to be effective. I heard a great example of this on a morning talk show. The segment was “The best new minivans.” The speaker said, “This minivan is so big you can drive six kids to soccer practice, pick up some wood from the lumberyard on the way home, and build a tree house with them that afternoon.”

Excellent storytelling, and not a stray “um” to be found.

How can you find the shorthand story that will make you memorable? The quickest way is to speak from your own experience—which will provide you with colorful, heartfelt examples—while simultaneously acknowledging your listener’s experience, situation, or expertise. Ask yourself, “Why do I care?” Then ask yourself, “Why should they care?” Once you have the answers to those questions, you’ll have a great story.

“My name is Bond”

From time to time I teach presentation skills seminars for new hires at large corporations. Inevitably, at some point during my pitch to a new firm, I hear, “Yes, but most of the time all these kids get to say in meetings is their name.” “All?” is my response. (At this point, I know the person I’m speaking to might benefit from some presentation skills training, too.) Why? Because you are never “just” saying your name. Presenting the self is an opportunity.

The best example of this I can think of is, “My name is Bond. James Bond.”

Regardless of who’s saying it, Roger Moore, Sean Connery, or Daniel Craig, within that one sentence we hear a world of possibility.

In the same way, then, whenever you introduce yourself you need to say your name with such panache that your listener:

·remembers it.

·is left thinking, “Wow, that guy was impressive. . . . Am I supposed to know him?”

·is so knocked out by your “presentation” he wants to get to know you better.

If it helps, you can imagine you have “Q” as your backup, an Aston Martin as your getaway car, and a cold martini waiting at home.

So whether you are sitting in an executive board meeting, standing up at the PTA, or shaking hands in an elevator, always give your name the VIP treatment that flags it as a “Marquee Name” for those around you, leaving them alive to the possibilities and opportunities that knowing you offers them.

Useless Modifiers Are Just That

“It’s great, it’s amazing, it’s incredible, it’s so cool . . .”

Can you tell from the above whether it’s your boss talking about the new hotel he just stayed in, your coworker telling you about her new car, or your teenager describing the new telephone he wants you to get him?

Nope.

The only way we’ll believe your experience or product or skill set is amazing is if you tell us why. And it’s not enough to include the answers to the standard reporters’ questions: who, what, where, when, and why. We need to know—what did you see? Hear? Touch? Taste? Smell? How did it make you feel? What did it remind you of?

A good place to see people practicing this is on cooking shows. Because we can’t smell or taste the food, these chefs have to describe those elements in detail. “The smell of these cookies baking reminds me of sitting on my Grandma’s back porch watching the laundry dry on the line . . .”

As with most things, this is a skill that comes with practice. Initially, your practice will just be to notice when others are falling back on “great,” “amazing,” “incredible.” One place I hear this a lot is with actor interviews. A common interview question actors are asked when their new movie opens is, “What was it like to work with so-and-so director/ fellow actor?” In these moments, unless there’s been some coaching, many actors fall back on, “He was great.” “She was amazing . . .” Granted these stock responses are understandable. They don’t want to say, “Oh my goodness, I was in hell.” What, then, could they do instead? What’s a safe answer that also highlights their intelligence? Tell us a story: “One thing I didn’t expect was his wicked sense of humor. He played the most ridiculous jokes on the entire cast. For example, one day he . . .” etc.

Once you’ve spent some time observing others, you will want to begin to notice your own habits. How was your day? Your sandwich? The movie? Have your friends challenge you. Can you get through each of their questions without using a single useless modifier? Once you accept the challenge, you’ll discover that it’s great fun—and that they’ve started referring to you as a master storyteller.

An Utterly Unscientifically Chosen List of Fifteen Words That Say Nothing at All

AmazingGreat

AwesomeHard

BoringIncredible

CoolInteresting

ExcitingNice

ExtraordinaryTerrific

FunWonderful

Good

The All-Important Diaphragm

While this tip is important for both sexes, it’s particularly impor- tant for women as we tend to have higher—and subsequently less authoritative—voices.

To naturally lower your voice, you want to speak from your diaphragm. What does this mean? Or, more accurately, what does this sound like?

Well, as mentioned, it naturally moves your voice into a lower register. If you think you have problems with sounding “nasal” this solves those, too.

What does it look like? When you are speaking from your diaphragm, your abdomen naturally moves in and out with the movement of your diaphragm. A quick way to check if this is happening is to place your hand on your abdomen and see if it’s moving in and out while you speak. If it’s not, you need to begin accessing your diaphragm. (One of my favorite coaching moments was having a male client say, “But I don’t think men have one of those.” Tackling that was a task far beyond my pay grade. . . .)

How to do this? An easy way is to lie on the floor, put a telephone book on your stomach, and breathe in and out as deeply as you can. You want to be able to see the phone book move up and down . . . a lot. If it’s not, keep breathing. It may take a minute or two, as many of us have become used to our shallow breathing.

Once you’re comfortable with this, stand up, place your hand on your stomach and say a few practice sentences. The results are immediate. Your body will naturally retain this diaphragmatic breathing for a minute or so; your voice will have a lovely resonance.

Now that you’re aware of the difference this makes, make it a habit to check in with yourself and, if you notice your abdomen’s not moving, recalibrate. This doesn’t mean getting out the phone book every single time, just keeping your hands on your abdomen and breathing deeply until they are moving in and out with your breath. Over time, it will become second nature—you’ll be uncomfortable speaking any other way.

Additionally—and these are great “gifts with purchase”—you’ll be calming your nervous system, strengthening your respiratory system, and releasing both stress and toxins . . . all while appearing unflappable.

“You’re such a bad dog . . .”

I imagine most of us have had the experience of having a friend’s dog jump on us while its owner coos, “Oh, you’re such a bad dog . . . you’re the worst dog in the world.”

Does the dog know he’s being indescribably awful? Absolutely not. (Does your friend know how crazy-making this can be? Probably not.) Why? Because her tone and her words don’t match.

I see the same thing happening when no canines are present. A speaker will get to the podium and say, “I’m so happy to be here today” while putting down his notes, adjusting his mic, smoothing down his tie . . . all the while looking anything but happy. You’ll be introduced to someone at a cocktail party who will say, “Great to meet you,” while looking over your shoulder to see if someone they’d prefer to meet is behind you. Your spouse will say, “I love you too, honey,” without looking up from the paper. . . .

Here’s the thing: You’ve got to put the “happy” into “happy.” If you’re happy to be there, you have to sound happy. Your eyes have to look happy. Your body has to express happy. If someone in the audience can’t hear the words you’re saying, they should still know you’re communicating “happy.” If you’re introduced to someone and say, “Great to meet you,” it’s important that they are left thinking that you think it actually is great to meet them. And if you tell someone you love her, you want her to leave for the day with that warm, fuzzy feeling.

What happens when there’s a disconnect between your words and your expression of them? Well, depending on the person’s tone, you might end up flagging him as anything from nervous to self- absorbed to “too cool for school” to untruthful. None of which make a favorable impression.

I’m not saying it’s easy to stay present for every introduction, but I am saying it makes a difference—it distinguishes you in others’ minds. The other reason I recommend this is that, as Aristotle said, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.” The habit of bringing your full attention to the words you say—embodying them for your listener—means that in the moments when the stakes are high because you’re meeting your prospective boss, investor, fiancé, you’ll be ready.

Your Most Persuasive Words

In 1970, Yale University did a study of the most persuasive words in the English language. They claim the most persuasive word in the English language is “you.”

Surprised?

Funnily enough, I’m guessing that once you think about it, you’re not. We all like to be acknowledged and appreciated. We all like to know we count.

How can knowing this work for you?

When I work with clients, I advise them to both frame their responses in terms of their audience’s interests—“What’s in it for you?”—and to literally use the word “you” a lot.

Here’s an example: I was working on an IPO show down in Mexico and my client kept saying, “And the Mexican constituency can use this technology to do X, Y, Z . . .”

Huh? No one thinks of themselves in the third person. (Except, perhaps, royalty of some sort . . . “Her Majesty’s Grace will do as she pleases” . . . But I digress . . .)

I asked him to change it to, “And you can use this technology to do . . .”

Ah! Me?? I can? Now I’m interested . . .

You see?

What are the remaining eleven words on the Most Persuasive Words List?

2.Money8.Safety

3.Save9.Love

4.New10.Discovery

5.Results11.Proven

6.Health12.Guarantee

7.Easy

Interesting, right? My clients generally think so. In fact, I have one firm that plays the “Who can get the most of these words into their presentation?” game during every meeting. Because they are financial-types, the word “love” was giving th...

Proven communication strategies to help you sell yourself effectively in any interview, presentation, or impromptu business meeting

“The invaluable advice in How to Wow guarantees your success in any situation.”—Keith Ferrazzi, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Never Eat Alone

Every encounter with your colleagues, clients, employers—even your competitors—is an opportunity to make a positive impression. Your words, your tone of voice, and your body language all speak volumes. But the question is: What are they saying about you?

As a corporate coach, Frances Cole Jones has helped countless CEOs, celebrities, and public figures present their best selves in the boardroom and in-person, on-camera and onstage. Now she shares the skills that are essential to professional and personal success. In How to Wow, you’ll learn how to

· make a lasting impression with a simple introduction
· effectively employ the twelve most persuasive words in the English language
· read nonverbal responses accurately—and shift negative ones immediately
· motivate your team under deadline
· interview fearlessly and flawlessly
· persuade investors to buy in to your product or idea—and help you sell it to others
· write the perfect pitch, résumé, cover letter, or email
· deliver speeches that bring people to their feet
· transform a PowerPoint presentation into a power move

Featuring tips and tricks you can employ right away, How to Wow will teach you how to ask the right questions, respond with confidence, and wow anyone, anywhere, anytime.

“Wow is not optional. Neither is this book. Buy it, study it, put it into action—and wow your bank account!”—Jeffrey Gitomer, author of Little Red Book of Selling

“No matter if you’re at the top of your game or just starting out, this book will swiftly refocus the message that you are sending to the world.”—David Beal, co-CEO and co-founder, Green Hummingbird Entertainment

“Read How to Wow if you want to change a great idea from a concept to a reality that clearly means business. It’s the best makeover I ever got.”—Veronica Webb, television host